lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
