she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
