why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So much Jack, so little girl.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
