I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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