Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
well, you know. whores of a feather.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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