Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
