i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
