I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
