I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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