You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
