Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
