Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
