yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
