I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
