i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
