forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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