i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
