can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
