He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
