Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
