so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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