no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
