I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
