Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize