i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
