he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
