Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
