i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
