don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
