so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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