The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
True college students do jello shots in the library
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
