thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
