Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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