Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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