I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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