no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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