All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
