Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
