she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Never joke about your clitoris.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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