I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
