I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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