Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
