is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
