Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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