For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
