i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize