He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
