Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
