I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
