I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
