So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
