I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
