So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
