Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
