Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
