we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
