I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Randomize
