I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
