sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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