I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
