I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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