ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
