We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
