I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
