So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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