I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
