girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
