2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
